


Colors of Comfort

by merwe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Colors, Depression, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi, Neglect, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 08:25:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3202364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merwe/pseuds/merwe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When I was younger my mom once told me a story about a boy who lived in a colorless world. Days went by and it seemed to become darker. Until one day he met a beautiful princess, the moment they shook hands the world took color. The sky became bright blue with beautiful flowers of all colours. Laughter could be heard around every corner and suddenly, he felt happy. This may be cheesy but, maybe you're my princess." - Nishinoya Yuu</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning - Prolog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ
> 
> First off, I don't know Noya's mother and father's name so I made one up. Sorry? Also I rewrote most of this chapter so do reread it, I hope it's better than the original. Thanks~

When I was younger my mom once told me a story about a boy who lived in a colorless world. The sky was dark, the birds sang sad songs and the flowers were wilted. Days went by and it seemed to become darker. Until one day he met a beautiful princess, the moment they shook hands the world took color. The sky became bright blue with beautiful flowers of all colors. Laughter could be heard around every corner and suddenly, he felt happy.

 

That story seemed to replay in the back of my mind each and every day. To me everything's gray, yet I put on a smile to show everyone I'm okay. Putting up this 'wall' was exhausting, to say the least, and it was emotionally draining. Having to think about the fact that this wall makes everyone see a totally different person that I am makes my heart throb. Yet the thought of letting down that wall terrifies me just as much. I don't want to shed this wall, leaving everyone to see the heartbreak and shit I've been through.

 

My mother and father started fighting when I was about 8 years old. I remember not being able to sleep from my father shouting at my mother and calling her harsh words. After hours of screaming and yelling the front door would slam shut and all I could hear was my mother's sobbing.

 

My father did come back. He came back in the early hours of the morning with a hangover and sometimes lipstick on the collar of his shirt. Sleeping for over 4 hours became impossible. Yet I still have the energy to play volleyball. which seems to be the only thing that keeps me going, along with the few friends I have and my mom. My mom is what amazes me the most, being able to brush off the insults, wash off the lipstick stains and work was what gave me pride. My dad didn't deserve her. She deserved a throne with all the money and riches in the world. She managed to put a smile on and sit down and help me with my homework. She was the second reason I joined my middle school volleyball team after I saw an inter-high match I've always loved to play the sport, and it was my mom who pushed me to do it. It's fun waking up at four AM, going for a run, coming back to have a shower, go to training then going to classes and then doing more training. I usually only get home at about eight to nine O'clock so it meant I didn't have to listen to my parent's fight. 

 

Volleyball also introduced me to my friends who I'm unbelievably grateful for. 

 

"Noya!" Speaking the devil, well, one of them. "Why don't you come to my place for the night? I have the new Attack on Titan episode!" Tanaka Ryuunosuke, second year, also my best friend said. He was a very... um... Animated... person, always loud and unnecessarily intimidating. But then again, that matched me perfectly! Daichi-senpai was always on his toes around us, always expecting us to be up to no good. And seeing as Tanaka and I had made a big ruckus during practice he put us on mopping duty, which we were doing. 

 

"Sorry Tanaka-San, mom wants me home, she said we were going to watch a movie." I smiled over at him and he groaned in return, obviously annoyed I would not be spending tonight with him. He stopped mopping and turned his full attention to me, his previous annoyance disappeared and a new, serious look on his face as if he were thinking.

 

"Where's your dad?" Tanaka was the only one I've told about my parents. He and his family have been super supportive and if the fighting gets too bad, I'll usually sneak out and go to their house, even if it's the middle of the night.

 

"He's working late. Sorry Tanaka-san, I promise I'll come over tomorrow." Ryu shrugged me off with a wave if his hand.

 

"That's okay-" he was cut off by Daichi-senpai calling us to gather round. "

 

Good job today guys, you're good to leave." We all said our goodbyes and parted ways, Tanaka walked with me to the train station, seeing as his house was on the way. The walk was silent, not awkward, just silent, almost peaceful, which was odd for the two of us. There was a soft autumn wind which cooled and dried the sweat on our backs. 

 

"Have you talked to Asahi-san yet?" Tanaka asked after a while. I shook my head and sighed. After last year's loss to Datetech, he blamed himself for losing then quit the team. After my suspension I found out and to be honest I was so angry. Luckily we got him to join the team again but I haven't talked to him since. 

 

"C'mon you've seen him lately, he barely can keep up and is so nervous and anxious when it comes to volleyball, well actually, everything. He hit a spike into the net the other day and nearly had a panic attack. You gotta talk to him." It's true, Asahi has been very jumpy lately. But what can I do about it? I mean, I want to help, but, what do I do?

 

"I know, I know, but what do I say?" Tanaka shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets.

 

"I don't know man, but you need to do something." We stopped, seeing as we'd reached the station. "All I'm saying is you and him had that argument so it's both of your job to fix it, you guys used to be so close and I know Suga and Daichi hate seeing you two go out of your way to avoid each other." He shifted his weight from one look to the other, a sincere look on his face. People don't know how real and sincere Tanaka can be until they get close to him, and he always manages to keep me going.

 

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said, trying to blow off the memories he had turned up. "I'll try and think of some things tonight. Call me if you need anything." I said, turning my back to go to the station.

 

"Cya." He called after me and started walking in the direction of his house.

 

The trip home was pretty boring, apart from when some guy walked into a pole, that was pretty funny. But it gave me time to think, probably too much time to think. It wasn't a secret that Asahi and I had a big argument, that was blatant for anyone in the same room as us to see. We couldn't make eye contact and if we did it would last mere seconds. Our auras were awkward and tense when near each other, it's like going from a bright happy yellow to a dark, tense red. It was suffocating and latched on to most people in the room. 

After stopping at the convenience store to pick something up for my mom I made it home. The sight of my house up ahead made me catch my breath. Home is where the heart is, as they say, and the house wasn't where my heart was. My heart was on the court with my friends and with my mom, yet this house made me want to bolt. I swallowed down my fear and tiptoed in the house. There was no noise except the sound of tv and movement. 

 

"Hey, mom?" I called out, taking off my shoes at the door. "I'm home." Walking down the hall I entered the living room where my mother stood ironing and watching tv. She turned and smiled at me, stopping what she was doing to pull me into a hug, which was all the proof I needed to know that dad wasn't home. When dad was home mom was constantly cleaning, cooking, working, she couldn't stop to even have a drink. Dad had one of those 'women belong in the kitchen' views, which was disgusting and angered me all the more. We pulled apart and flashed her a grin before pulling out the plastic bag from my messenger bag which contained the items I had bought for mom.

"Hey sweetie! How was your day?" My mom was a pretty lady, she was short like me with long, curly, brown hair that came to her waist. Her eyes were brown like mine with flakes of gold. I held out the bag for her, making her eyes light up. "Pretty good, this guy walked into a pole getting off the train." I chuckled at the memory.

"Shame! Poor guy must have been so embarrassed," she said as she opened the bag and squealed. "Oh, you naughty boy! Iced tea and chocolate, my favorite!" She pulled me in for another bone crushing hug saying a 'thank you' in my ear. 

 

"It's no problem, thought you might need a 'pick me up'." She ushered me to sit down at the table and took my bad from me. She placed the food in front of me and took the seat across from me for herself. I stared down at the pork cutlet bowl in front of me. Mom made the best pork cutlet bowls! My stomach rumbled in anticipation. 

 

"Thanks for the food!" We said and dug in. I moaned as the flavors erupted in my mouth and grinned at my mother. "This is delicious." My mother rolled her eyes.

 

"Oh stop it! You're too nice to me Yuu!" She grinned. I just laughed. It was moments like these that made my heart swell, being able to have fun with my mom and talk about anything without the restriction of my father. These were moments I cherished and moments that ended all too quickly. After we finished out meals my mother put them in the sink to do later and moved to the couch. 

 

"So," She started. "What movie will we watch?"

 

\-------------------------------------------

 

 

After the movie I went to bed, seeing as dad wasn't home I thought I could maybe fall asleep and sleep through the fightings. I was right, well, half right. I did fall asleep before he got home, but that wasn't enough to escape the arguing. I don't know what time it was when he got home, it was late and dark. The slam of the door was what woke me, then followed his sluggish, drunk voice which boomed throughout the house. 

 

"Ayame!" Mom had gone to bed when I had, meaning she was probably rushing to get up.

 

"Y-yes? I'm here?" I heard her small voice shake with fear.

 

"Why weren't you awake to greet me, huh?! being married to a useless pig like you is bad enough! The least you could do is greet me!" Asshole. A hot sweat was covering my body with fear and rage. It disgusted me how he spoke to her. She deserved so much more that that stuck up bastard.

 

"Sorry... I- um I haven't been feeling well..." She didn't raise her voice, she kept as monotone as possible, probably hoping he'd just go to sleep.

 

"Oh really!? Then what's this!?" There was the sound of something moving in the sink. Crap, we forgot to wash the dinner bowls.

 

"I had to make Nishinoya some dinner, I only had a small serving, there's one-" My mother's voice was cut off by the sound of glass smashing. My father must have thrown the bowl and I was praying to god it wasn't directed at her. My mother let out a small shriek and I sat up in bed, ready to rush downstairs.

 

"Clean this up, just be glad I didn't aim it at you." His voice was quieter, yet the anger and hate didn't vanish. His footsteps could be heard walking into their bedroom and after a couple of minutes, he was out cold. I quietly slipped out of my bed and down the stairs. My mother sat on the floor trying to gather up the pieces of broken bowl off the floor. I tiptoed my way over and started picking them up. She looked up in fright, my presence obviously scaring her. Her eyes widened and she started shooing me with her hands, which I shook my head to and continued to pick up the broken glass. 

"If your father sees you-" She started whispering but I cut her off.

"He never wakes up once he's fallen asleep, you know how it is," I whispered back, a small encouraging smile on my face. Doubt flashed in her eyes but she went back to cleaning up. After we threw away the broken bowl in the bin mom went to sleep on the couch and I went back to my room, waiting for sleep to overcome me.


	2. Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anxiety/Panic Attacks at 7 AM aren't the best

Sleep didn't overcome me like I had wished. My heart was racing from the previous events and nothing in my body could get me to calm down. I was restless. Every sound that echoed throughout the house made me twitch, and don't get me started on my father's snoring. I stared up at the ceiling and groaned, I was just... so tired, yet I couldn't find the will to sleep. It had been 2:16 when I had returned to bed and now the clock read 3:32, meaning I had half an hour until I could get up and go for a run. I rolled over to face the wall, thinking about the day to come. I prayed I wouldn't have to encounter my father within the next three and a half hours before I had arrived at school. Tonight would be fine, seeing as I'd be staying at Tanaka's.

All I'm saying is you and him had that argument so it's both of your jobs to fix it, you guys used to be so close...

Tanaka's voice seemed to echo through my head. Now I have something else to stress over, groaning, I pulled the pillow away from my eyes and glared up at the dull ceiling. What do I say to him? How do I talk to him? What'll he say to me? How'll he react to what I say? I furrowed my eyebrows. Man, this... This over-grown hippy, Jesus look alike is driving me up a wall. I remember our argument all too vividly. We had been putting away the mops after cleaning the gym the day we had lost. He was angry, he had blamed himself for not going through the blockers. It angered me so much, knowing that he took the whole bloody teams failure and placed it on himself. I had to stop and take a breather before I ran over to his house and had a go at him. Again. I let out the breath I was holding and looked at the clock.

 

"3:45? What the hell, I'll just be early today." I dragged myself out of bed and got changed into some training shorts and a baggy t-shirt before leaving the house. The early autumn air hit me like a brick, giving me goosebumps as I stepped into the early morning sunrise. Taking off in a jog my heart started racing and my mind was going a million miles an hour. My previous anxiety had decreased and my movement and the fact I was doing exercise made my mind speed in ways I could calmly look at the situation. It was interesting, to be honest. Being able to think of different ways people react to certain situations and the face they'll make and the way they'll talk. Like, what if I were to say to Asahi 'Stop being so sad and man up!'. Would he cry? Would he scream and shout? Would he hit me? or would he pull a total Asahi and say 'oh, sorry you feel that way.' The possibilities to how he could react are almost endless. But don't get me wrong I'd never say something like that to him, little own anyone else. 

 

I jogged down the street to a nearby lake which I usually do a lap of to clear my mind. Tanaka was going to force me to talk to Asahi, whether I liked it or not, and honestly, I was so nervous if you couldn't tell already. I'm scared as hell that he'll reject my apology of sorts, and the fact I have no idea what to say in the first place scared me even more. I don't know why but going up to Asahi and talking to him seems like a big deal for some reason, which was odd, seeing as he and I used to be really close. I feel like the world is watching me, every person I passed was judging me and my hearts about to explode at just the thought of it. I came to a holt and I panicked. What if I stuff up and do something stupid? Oh god, what if he gets mad at me and never speaks to me again? My breathing became rapid and my eyes watered, leaving my vision of the path below me blurry. I turned around and started jogging home. I can't do this right now. 

Despite the Anxiety and panic running through my veins the scene around me amazed me, only making me panic worse. The sun on the horizon was bright, leaving orange and yellow glow along the rooves of the houses, trees, grass and everything that light could touch. I felt patronized, like this was mother natures way of saying, 'why're you panicking, everyone's fine and happy? you have a great life, why are you freaking out?' I let out the breathe I was holding and shook my head, no, don't think about it. I jogged back up the street, which had started to show signs of people. I accidently bumped into a man with a briefcase who started yelling. I was drenched in a hot sweat, why did he feel so big and so terrifying.

 

"Watch where you're going, kid! Jesus, I'm walking here!" His voice sounded angrier than it should have been, he seemed to loom over me.

 

"I-I'm so so-sorry!" I stuttered, fear could easily be heard in my voice. Why was I suddenly so terrified? The man grunted and walked off, muttering about 'fuckin' annoying kid'. I tried to slow my breathing. My father.... He reminded me of my father. 

 

Where's that boy!? His father's voice shook in his head. Where's that disgrace of a boy!?

 

When I got home I had to cool my breathing before I got it, I probably sounded like a god damn pig. It was only five so I had a lot of time, I had to be at practice by 7, meaning I had two hours to spare, getting ready would only take thirty minutes and getting to school would only take another thirty, maybe I could pick up Ryu on the way? Plan settled. I snuck up stares passed my father's room And got my uniform before going to the bathroom to have a shower. 

I sighed as the warm water ran over my body, instantly relaxing me. Maybe Asahi won't get angry and yell. Maybe he'll be fine and we'll go back to the way we used to be... I don't want to go back to the way we were... And want to be closer to him... I want to be close with him, So I could tell him anything. He was a real genuine person, reliable and just... genuinely nice. I angrily let out a frustrated sigh. Why was he so nice? And why is this so damn difficult!? I turned off the water and By the time I was finished dressing and spiking my hair to perfection it was 5:30. One and a half hours until practice. 

 

The walk to Tanaka's house was peaceful, the buzz of people beginning to start their day and the sound of birds in the distance was nice, even if most people were grumpy at this hour. The only thing I didn't like about it was the train ride, it was always packed at this hour. I sat down but soon stood up for an elderly woman who said something along the lines of; "What nice manners, such a nice boy." The train made me feel claustrophobic and anxious. Being in tight spaces weren't usually a bother, but when it was in a room full of judgy people it was difficult. 

 

When I finally got to Ryu's house I knocked not the door seeing as the Tanaka household is always up at the crack of dawn, well, The household besides Ryu.

"Yuu!" Mrs. Tanaka opened the door, "I haven't seen you in a while! how are you?!" Ryu's mom pulled me into a hug which I gladly returned, she's always been like an aunt to me, more a second mom. She was always there for me when my father got too hard to deal with and always welcomed me into her home with open arms.

"I could be better but pretty good, how about you?" She pulled away and smiled.

"I'm great, are you okay, though? You look like you've been crying." She gave me a worried look, patting my cheek. I pulled a reassuring grin and gave her a thumbs up. "I'm fine! I'm fine! Honest! Just a little tired." She gave an unimpressed hum but sighed, giving up and making room for me to enter her home.

 

"Anyway, Ryu is upstairs sleeping still, you can go up and wake him, give him a good scare would ya?" She chuckled and patted my cheek before walking into the kitchen. I slipped off my shoes and tiptoed up the stairs. Tanaka's household was loud and rowdy. Tanaka's older sister, Saeko, Trudged down the stairs. She grinned when she saw me. 

 

"Yuu-Yuu!" She exclaimed, pulling me into a noogy, my face squished against her boobs. This didn't faze me, it was the norm and this is how she always greeted me. "Have you come to wake up my lazy brother?" She said after letting me out of her death grip. I replied with a small 'yup' and excused myself, taking off to Ryu's room

"Ryu." I nudged his face with my foot.

 

"Wake up." I nudged him again.

 

"Go away." He groaned and flipped over. I rolled my eyes and placed my bag down.

 

"Ryu! Get up!" I jumped on him making him groan in agony.

 

"What the hell man!?" He yelled and got up.

 

"Get dressed we're gonna be late you naked monkey." I picked up my bag and walked out the streaker's room.

 

"Was he sleeping naked again?" His mom groaned, no surprise in his son's shenanigans.

 

"Yep." I chuckled and walked into the kitchen where she was.

 

"I don't know what I'm going to do with that boy... Anyway, did you have breakfast?" 

 

"No, dad was asleep so I didn't want to risk waking him up." I sighed and leaned on the counter.

 

"Here." She handed me a piece of warm toast. 

 

"Thanks." I smiled and took a bite, man, was it good to be back here. 

 

"Ugh..." I turned and looked at Ryu who had entered the room and still looked half asleep.

 

"You're lucky I love you man otherwise I would've killed you..." He grabbed and a piece of toast and punched me in the arm then he began walking out the door.

 

"Cya mom!" He called, "Yuu c'mon!" I rolled my eyes and turned to Tanaka-san. 

 

"Bye Tanaka-san!" I slipped on my shoes and ran out the door, shutting it behind me.

 

"C'mon!" Ryu yelled dramatically. I ran after him and we made our way to school.

\---------------------------------------------

 

"So, have you thought about what you're going to say to Asahi?" Ryu asked making me flinch after our silent walk to school. I could feel every beat of my heart like I was wearing them as headphones. My hands where clammy and I couldn't stop fidgeting. I wanted to pass out, to say the least.

 

"No..." I sighed and looked at the doors of the gym, I could hear the ball being tossed and spikes and the sound of a couple of people shouting 'nice receive!'. 

 

"Maybe... Just go with the flow? I dunno man." He shrugged and opened the door and walked in. I was about to walk until I made eye contact with Asahi. I froze, my heart stopped and I couldn't breathe. I could hear Tanaka talking besides me, yet his voice was drowned out as if I were standing at the bottom of the ocean. I felt a hand on my arm, trying to shake me out of this state. Everyone had stopped playing and was staring. I wanted to scream, I wanted to tell them not to look at me, I wanted to cry, I wanted to breathe. I was breathing, just all too fast. My gaze was still locked on Asahi, who's face was filled with concern, out the corner of my eyes, I saw Sugawara and Daichi run over. Sugawara blocked my view of Asahi and I snapped out.

 

"Noya? What's wrong can you hear me?" Sugawara's voice was smooth and assertive, which was comforting but I couldn't focus. I needed to get out, I needed to leave.

 

"Let go of me!" I yelled shrugging Sugawara's hands off my arms and sprinting away. My heart was running 100 miles an hour and I couldn't breathe. I just needed to be alone. I ran to one of the old sheds behind the clubrooms. Hiding behind a pile of boxes I sunk into a ball. This was pathetic, I couldn't even look at him without panicking, how The hell was I supposed to talk to him. Now he's going to think I'm scared of him. 

 

'You're a disgrace to the family' 

'Pathetic son'

'Useless'

'Worthless' My dad's voice rang in my head.

"Please stop..."

'Freak'

'Waste of space' 

 

"Not here... Not now..." I can't cry. Not here. Not now. Knowing Suga-senpai he probably convinced Daichi-senpai to send the whole team to look for me.

 

'Maybe we should put him up for adoption, I mean, he just takes up space and money.' 

 

No... The first tear fell and that was it, one more, then another, and another, all until I was full out balling. Stop. If anyone finds you they'll know, they'll know everything because you'll spill it. Stupid. Stupid Yuu. What's wrong with you. I started crying harder. Well, that didn't work good one Yuu geez. Make it all stop... Please.., someone.

 

"Noya-senpai!? Noya-senpai where are you!?" Hinata? Damn shut up Yuu. I managed to stifle my sobbing until I heard his feet run away on the gravel. I rested my head in between my knees, letting the tears silently roll down my face. Suddenly the shed door opened.

 

"Yuu? Oh god, what's wrong are you okay?" Suga-senpai rushed over to me and I shook my head.

 

"Don't... Don't let me tell you." I squeezed my eyes shut forcibly trying to stop tears. My voice wavered as I spoke and he looked at me with pity.

 

"C'mon, everyone's worried about you." I shook my head.

 

"No. I-I can't. I can't face them." I sniffed and pushed my head down even further.

 

"Why not?" He knelt I front of me and placed his hands on my knees.

 

"Because... I have no way of explaining what happened... I can only explain it to Ryu..."

 

"Ryu? Oh Tanaka-san, do you want me to get him?" I shook my head, finally, the tears stopped and I ran a hand through my hair, refusing to look my senpai in the eyes.

 

"Look," I started, voice wavering. "I'm going to skip practice this morning, can you tell everyone I'm okay and I um... Need to be alone? Yeah, need to be alone." I asked. Luckily Sugawara understood I didn't want to talk about it and stood up. 

 

"Sure, but Daichi will question you later." He held out a hand to help me up which I took and to my surprise he pulled me into a hug.

 

"If you need anything you can talk to me okay?" I nodded and pulled away.

 

"Thanks, Suga, I'm going to go and wait in the classroom and finish my homework." I smiled and walked away. Man, was this going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> None of the characters belong to me.


End file.
